By MICHELE BETTI of BETTI AND ASSOCIATES | b&a opinions April 13, 2009
There are 10 things that the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP) tells us to be aware of:
- Acknowledge your courage. It takes courage to acknowledge you’ve been abused.
- Know that you are not alone. There are many more survivors of abuse by priests, and other clergy members, than any of us wants to believe.
- Don’t go to the Church. Many survivors have gone to church officials to look for help, guidance and/or healing to no avail.
- Don’t go alone! If you still decide to go to church leaders, don’t go alone.
- Seek alternative Help! As an alternative to going to church leaders SNAP recommends you go to a trusted family member or friend, or seek professional help from a counselor.
- Learn your legal rights. The church leaders have lots more information about your abuse than you do. They know your legal rights better than most of you. You can choose to exercise your legal rights or not but it is empowering to make the choice. Without knowing you don’t make the choice. SNAP and many others have noticed that frequently the church leaders string victims along until the statute of limitations has run, or in layman’s terms, the opportunity you had to file a claim is over before you know it. By the time you realize it, it is too late to do anything. That experience is so painful to survivors because it is another moment of helplessness and powerlessness at the hands of your perpetrator or his supervisors.
- Healthy Survivors: Many survivors have developed addictions or health problems such as alcoholism, drug addiction, over-eating, under-eating or other eating disorders, co-dependency, finger-nail biting, promiscuity, detachment from intimacy, sleep disorders, religious fanaticism, stomach or intestinal problems, or just an overall attitude of anger.
- Facing the issues: Acknowledging and facing the issues of your abuse can be extremely time consuming and require lots of energy and emotions.
- Everybody is unique! Everyone’s experience of healing from abuse is unique.
- You are the victim (survivor)! The abuse was not your fault. No matter what you did or didn’t do to stop it or prevent it. No matter whether it felt good or bad. No matter whether he bought you gifts, took you out to eat, or to fun places. No matter if you enjoyed his company. No matter if someone else had warned you to stay away from him. No matter what, the responsibility for a priest molesting you rests squarely on the priest. He was in a position of authority. You looked up to the priest. You trusted the priest and believed what he told you. You thought he was close to God and you might get close to God if you stuck close to him. He should not have touched you. He abused his position of authority. He used his position of being a priest to victimize you. He had no right to do this. He is a criminal and what he did was a criminal act. You are a victim of his crime. You are a victim. You are innocent. You have been wronged. You deserve to have the wrong made right. That will mean different things to you, but you deserve to be made whole, as much as that is possible.
Excerpts from Survivors’ Wisdom, Compiled by: Barbara A. Blaine, Founder of SNAP
Copyright 2009, b&f opinions.
