Therapist and Author Kara T. Tamanini, M.S., LMHC
Guest Author Article by Kara T. Tamanini, M.S., LMHC
Child Abuse or domestic violence can happen to anyone, no matter what age, sex, race, or religious orientation. Whether the child is witnessing domestic violence in the home or being abused, the effects of either are very traumatic for children. It often causes significant emotional, physical, and learning problems. Each child reacts very differently to the events and a good evaluation is crucial to determine how the child interprets violence witnessed in the home or being abused. Either way, abuse has long-lasting repercussions.
A number of factors affect how a child perceives abuse.
First and foremost, is the extent of the violence or abuse and the duration that it occurred or was witnessed by a child. Also of importance is whether the child was abused or a witness to violence by his/herself or if the abuse was shared by his/her sibling/s. If the child has witnessed violence in the home of family members or significant others in addition to being abused, this will increase their negative feelings.
Parental or family support is of absolute importance in the recovery process. If the child’s family is supportive and reassuring and presents therapy in a positive way, the child will be less scared and more apt to want to participate in the therapy process. For children, the therapeutic process is usually very intimidating and the first several sessions of therapy with an abused child are simply trying to get the child to talk and feel comfortable with the therapist. Games are usually played in the first couple of sessions and the initial goal is to make the child less anxious and establish trust and rapport with the therapist.
Working with children in therapy, the therapist will have several goals for the overall treatment process.
- The therapist will convey that the child is NOT to blame for what happened to them, no matter what they have been told by the perpetrator of the abuse.
- Let the child know that they are the SAME person and they are not “unclean” or “dirty” in any way. This is very common in children who have been sexually abused.
- Encourage talking about the abuse or violence they witnessed and work through their feelings of anger, depression, guilt, and any acting out behaviors that they are exhibiting. Once the feelings are out in the open, the healing process can begin. Feelings are discussed with a child in their language and the therapist conveys to the child that “we believe what they are saying.”
- Letting them know that they are a “good person” and they are not alone in their feelings. There is nothing worse than feeling that you are the only one dealing with a problem.
- Teaching the child about what abuse is and talking about prevention of abuse in the future. Therapy works through that “victim for life” mentality.
- Lastly, teaching them coping mechanisms for the future. In other words, teaching the child how to deal with symptoms of PTSD. Often seen in children who have been abused are nightmares, bedwetting, social withdrawal, avoidance, and constant thoughts of the abuse.
Domestic violence and abuse are used for only one purpose in any relationship and that is to gain control over a person. Unfortunately, abusers use fear, guilt, and intimidation in order to keep a child under their control. Working through these feelings of guilt, shame, fear, and anger in therapy is of uttermost importance. Group sessions with children that have had similar experiences is often very helpful for children.
The therapy process will not “change” a child, rather it helps them heal and validate their feelings in order to give them hope for their future.
Article by
A Story of Courage
Kara T. Tamanini, M.S., LMHC
Therapist and Author
Founder of Kids Awareness Series
www.KidsAwarenessSeries.com
Betti & Franks would like to thank
Kara for guesting on our site.
We recommend that you check out her
book “I promised not to tell” available at
Amazon. (click the book it will take you right there)
Child Abuse or domestic violence can happen to anyone, no matter what age, sex, race, or religious orientation. Whether the child is witnessing domestic violence in the home or being abused, the effects of either are very traumatic for children. It often causes significant emotional, physical, and learning problems. Each child reacts very differently to the events and a good evaluation is crucial to determine how the child interprets violence witnessed in the home or being abused. Either way, abuse has long-lasting repercussions.
A number of factors affect how a child perceives abuse. First and foremost, is the extent of the violence or abuse and the duration that it occurred or was witnessed by a child. Also of importance is whether the child was abused or a witness to violence by his/herself or if the abuse was shared by his/her sibling/s. If the child has witnessed violence in the home of family members or significant others in addition to being abused, this will increase their negative feelings.
Parental or family support is of absolute importance in the recovery process. If the child’s family is supportive and reassuring and presents therapy in a positive way, the child will be less scared and more apt to want to participate in the therapy process. For children, the therapeutic process is usually very intimidating and the first several sessions of therapy with an abused child are simply trying to get the child to talk and feel comfortable with the therapist. Games are usually played in the first couple of sessions and the initial goal is to make the child less anxious and establish trust and rapport with the therapist.
Working with children in therapy, the therapist will have several goals for the overall treatment process.
1.) The therapist will convey that the child is NOT to blame for what happened to them, no matter what they have been told by the perpetrator of the abuse.
2.) Let the child know that they are the SAME person and they are not “unclean” or “dirty” in any way. This is very common in children who have been sexually abused.
3.) Encourage talking about the abuse or violence they witnessed and work through their feelings of anger, depression, guilt, and any acting out behaviors that they are exhibiting. Once the feelings are out in the open, the healing process can begin. Feelings are discussed with a child in their language and the therapist conveys to the child that “we believe what they are saying.”
4.) Letting them know that they are a “good person” and they are not alone in their feelings. There is nothing worse than feeling that you are the only one dealing with a problem.
5.) Teaching the child about what abuse is and talking about prevention of abuse in the future. Therapy works through that “victim for life” mentality.
6.) Lastly, teaching them coping mechanisms for the future. In other words, teaching the child how to deal with symptoms of PTSD. Often seen in children who have been abused are nightmares, bedwetting, social withdrawal, avoidance, and constant thoughts of the abuse.
Domestic violence and abuse are used for only one purpose in any relationship and that is to gain control over a person. Unfortunately, abusers use fear, guilt, and intimidation in order to keep a child under their control. Working through these feelings of guilt, shame, fear, and anger in therapy is of uttermost importance. Group sessions with children that have had similar experiences is often very helpful for children. The therapy process will not “change” a child, rather it helps them heal and validate their feelings in order to give them hope for their future.
